Have you ever found yourself in a position of power or otherwise success and saw how people began to take a sudden interest in you because of you your success? I’m willing to bet most people on this planet have. I can’t speak for everyone but, to me, it feels terrible seeing people want to befriend me and celebrate me because of some success that I’ve gained when there were times when I was stuck in a rut and nobody cared. Times when I can recall being so alone (and loving it) and watching my peers continue life without me, or times when I trusted someone as a friend but as soon as disaster or crisis strikes they’re no longer my friends. Being a loner or introvert can make you more receptive to these feelings, perhaps, than being an extrovert; because when you’re an extrovert (or popular) you might be used to having tons of people around and welcome success bringing even more people into your life, even opportunists. But even extroverts should be able to understand the value of a true friend: one who sticks around during the crisis and the come up. Through the thick and thin. But I haven’t been much of an extrovert lately so I can’t tell you ’bout that life. That extrovert lyfe. What I can share with you are some ways of recognizing and dealing with fair-weather friends.
They expect everyone to like them by using charm
Fair-weather friends are the ones you see that you know from previous chapters of your life who, all of a sudden, take an interest in you and use their charm to get you to like them. Understand, you get to see the true character and colors of people who say they care about when things get rough. When everything has gone tits up in life. Using an excessive amount of charm and flattery can signal a variety of negative things such as inner conflict, low self-esteem, maliciousness, jealousy, etc. For example, at one of my previous jobs at Health Advocate, I came across dozens of new coworkers who would try and charm me into being their friend. They would smile at me from across the office out of the blue, or have a casual conversation with someone and glance at me and smile, or come up to me and say hi in an overly excited way. It all struck me as innately strange and warning signals would alarm in my head. If you want to make a new friend without being an opportunist just be normal and treat them normally. Simple. Say hi, and have a casual conversation like you would any other Joe Blow. Don’t overly charm people because then you look like a creep.
They judge you from a distance when the charm doesn’t work
People who have been rejected when the charm technique doesn’t work will then judge you and watch you from a distance. This is the “hater” phase. Once they start doing this they wait and prey on your mistakes so they can quietly scrutinize them. This is because fair-weather people are insecure opportunists who try to use other people to advance their agendas. They don’t really like you, they like the idea they have of you. There’s no unconditional love there, just greed and selfishness.
They might already understand they are not a true friend but act like a buddy anyway
Fair-weather friends just want to take from you. They are reluctant to give you anything in return because then that would mean they’re being fake and being fake is not good for your self-esteem. Being in a reciprocal relationship with a fair-weather friend is very dangerous indeed. True friends have a much deeper connection to one another and the loyalty is felt and unquestioned. If you have to question your relationship with someone that means it’s a bad relationship.
The more success you gain the closer they get to try to hurt you
You must keep the grass cut low so the snakes don’t infect your precious mental ecosystem. Fake and fair-weather friends will love you when everything is going better and better for you but the ulterior motives are there and will always be. This is because they feel threatened by you and are afraid of your greatness. You mustn’t be afraid to travel alone on your journey to success. It’s a lonely road, but you’re bound to meet some true blue people as you climb the ladder.
Accept they aren’t really your friend and avoid them
Stay away from negative and untrustworthy people. Period. You don’t need that in your life. Keep the positive energy flowing and make the most of your precious time on earth. The real ones will truly care for you as one of their own, even, and especially when you hit rock bottom. They treat you like a kindred spirit. Find your true tribe and cherish them. For example, when I find out someone is just being friendly with me for their own personal gain I laugh at them in my head and roll my eyes and pity them. My main emotional connection to that person from that point on is one of pity and scorn. Once that has been established I just focus my attention on better things and avoid the pitiful person.
Be alone without being lonely
If you don’t yet have such a tribe then learn to enjoy your own company and be alone. Your tribe will eventually appear in your life as long as you stay on course of your life’s mission. Until then be patient and enjoy the alone time as a time for meaningful growth and development. Afterall, we all come into this world alone and will ultimately perish alone as well. Don’t ever feel you need someone to add to your life because you aren’t enough by yourself.
I hope this helped you in coming to understand and realize fair-weather friends. When it comes to relationships with peers you must be cautious of drama, pretention, and negativity. Other than that, keep shining and living your best life.